Does this work?

Ouch!

Today was blood donors day. I have been giving for a while now, and so I thought nothing of yesterday. I was wrong.

I got there aftera reasonable session at the gym. I had done more on most of the exercises so was feeling good. I was early, so did not have to wait long before I was called in. I am always hoping that my blood level will be high enough - I am always at the low end, but have only been rejected once (though once they were on the verge of rejecting me and they tried the other testing machine, which showed I was fine!)

Anyway that went through, and so of I go to get onto my bed. It was my favourite helper there - a lady I got to know when I was working at M&S and she was a regular shopper. Anyway, as the nurse was putting the needle in and starting the flow, she caught it and it caught a nerve/ It was really sore - right down my arm to my fingers! I enarly jumped off the bed! The poor lady was so apologetic about it. She asked if I wanted to stop, and stayed there holding the needle because it was making the tiops of my fingers feel numb. She was lovely and could not have been more upset if it had happened to her! My heklper though was keeping an eye on me as well, so I was in good hands. Even the doctor is someone I know from the hospital!

So in the end it took me longer to get back on my feet, and was not allowed to leave until I had drunk all my tea! I felt ok but was taking it easy.

Thursday update - you should see the bruising on my arm!

I am back

Yes I am back from my wanderings.

I got back to the island on Saturday after over 2 weeks away - my longest trip this millenium! It was a mixed trip. It started of as a bit of a rush, as I had to go over early because dad had caught pneumonia, and mum was beside herself with worry. So after a day of rushing around - changing bookings, ordering prescriptions and making sure Pepsi was looked after, I got away.

Fortunately, the antibiotics kicked in, and dad survived. It was touch and go, but he made it. That was a weight off mum's mind, but it also meant I could take my long planned trip to York. I stayed in a nice B&B which is coinvenient for the city, as it is only 3 minutes walk from Bootham Bar, one of the gates. York is confusing - its gates are called bars and its streets are called gates! I had a good time there, even though the last day was curtailed be snow falling and making the whole place cold and wet (I stayed in and read!)

From York, I went to spend the weekend with my sister and her family. That was the usual slice of chaos, not helped by the fact that they are in the middle of a lot of work on the house! But it was a good weekend.

Then back to mum's for a week. A lot of that time was spent helping ehr sort things out, which meant we did not get all our outings. But we got some of them. And I was able to spend some time with my friends over there on the 'other island'

One thing we did while I was there was go and see dad. He was lying in bed, not responding at all. If it had not been for the name on the door, it could have been a total stranger in there. It was horrible.

So that is my mixed trip away.

Read in a waiting room

A thousand candles can be lighted from a single candle, yet the life of the candle is not shortened. Happiness is never decreased by being shared.
Buddha

Basket case!

Yes it is official - I am a basket case!

I spent a very enjoyable Saturday recently learning how to make woven baskets. And believe me, it is not as easy as it looks!

There were 9 of us on the course, along with 2 instructors. It is a good thing there were not more, as the space required is quite considerable! As is the effort, with a lot of grunting going on as we pulled the willow into place. Indeed, if someone had been listening outside, they might have come to some very strange conclusions! And if they had come in, they would have found most of us on our knees, looking like some weird prayer meeting!

But the end result, while lacking a certain professionalism, is still in one piece. The big test is how it will survive drying out, as that will shrink and loosen the willow. I have planted some offcuts of willow to see if they will grow - the soil is wet but the temperatures have dropped, so we will see!

Oh - and here it is!

Here am I

This is my flesh.
I give it to you.
These are my thoughts,
and this is my work.
Here are my faults.
here is the fear
I discuss with myself.
Here are my good jokes,
here are my bad ones.
The flesh is falling apart,
it will have to do.
The thoughts are uncontrollable
some of them hate each other.

Here is my sweat,
and myd ecay,
the face only mirrors see.
This is my love
and my lack of love.
Here is my laughter.
here are the years.
here am I.

Steve Turner 1982

Good ... better ... best!

Good
Garda traffic police had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but were not catching many. Eventually, they discovered the problem – a 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign which read ‘SPEED TRAP AHEAD’. The Garda also found his accomplice down the road with a sign reading ‘TIPS’ and a bucket full of money.

Better
A motorist was mailed a photo of his car speeding through an automatic speed trap, along with an 80 euro fine. Being cute, he sent the gardai a photo of 80 euros. The gardai responded with a mailed photo of handcuffs.

Best
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As, the Traffic Corps Garda walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said ‘I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Garda Traffic Department Ball.” He replied “The Garda Traffic Department don’t have balls…” There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back into his patrol car and left.

I ache - therefore I am ...

...or I am therefore I ache (Marvin, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Well I made it back. First visit to the gym today. and boy!, did it take it out of me! I only managed one set, and half my rowing, and that was enough. In fact, as I staggered off to the shower, it felt like it was more than enough!

And why the lay-off, I hear you cry? (I have very good hearing you know!) Well the good old Manx winter laid me quite low, with a cold the likes of which I have not had for many years. No it was not man-flu. but a good old fashioned cold. It coincided with one of the coldest spells of weather here for many years, so all I was fit to do was huddle in layer upon layer of clothes. I must have looked like the Michelin Man!

But the days are getting longer, the weather is warmer (for now anyway!) and I feel better. I hope this goes on for a bit!

Quaaltagh

First footing - the custom of bringing good wishes and good luck into the home.

A traditional blessing was

Nollick Ghennal erriu as blein feer vie

Seihll as slaynt da'n slane lught thie
Bea as gennallys eu bio ry cheilley

Shee as graih eddyr mraane as deiney

Cooid as cowryn, stock as stoyr

Palchey puddase as skedden dy liooar

(A merry Christmas and a good new year

Luck and health to your whole household

Life pleasantness and sprightliness to you together

Peace and love between men and women

Goods and riches, stock and store

Plenty of spuds and herring enough)

I can't put it better than that, except to wish you

Shee as boggey erriu car ny Heeaney sho cheet

(peace and joy to you throughout the coming year)

Nollick ghennal!

Bannaghtyn y nollick - Manx season's greetings to you all.

A good Oie'll Voirrey (Christmas Eve - literally "Mary's night") last night. and her mother came up. I was worried as they were running late (daughter in the bath and was waiting for her mum to tell her to get out; mum asleep on the sofa after dealing with the cat!). But the meat was cooking, and when they got here we had dinner (fresh pineapple to start, gammon with potatoes, cauliflower cheese and yorkshire pudding, then spiced peaces and cream to finish).

The really nice thing was that we could spend time together. In the past, they have headed off to her grandmother's down south. This time, they could stay, and talk over a glass of wine (well alcopop in my daughter's case) and catch up. It was the closest thing to a family Christmas for years!

Anyway - work calls. So I wish you shee as boggey erriu (peace and joy to you).

Nollick ghennal!

T'was the week before Christmas...

...and all through the house -
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

Though if I did find a mouse, I am not sure what Pepsi would do with it. I know what Hamish would have done though - he would have watched it run around. I know that because I did find one, and he had no idea what to do about it! When it comes to cats, though, she knows exactly what to do! A strange white cat was passing through the back garden on its own business. Pepsi saw it, and was straight out of the window and chased it off under next door's decking.

Ahh Christmas. 'Tis the season to be merry (though for many people, merry becomes blotto). 'Tis also the season to be greedy, aggressive, angry, mean and bad-tempered. I am opting out of most of the Christmas Day festivities by working (when was I ever conventional?). Christmas dinner will be served on Christmas Eve, with the traditional ham (don't like turkey that much) with potatoes and cauliflower cheese.

I will be glad when it is over. My local bakerery is closed from Christmas Eve until onday 29th, so I have to think ahead and freeze some bread. With being on day shift next week, I will be limited as to when I can shop, and I will have to plan ahead. And then get in enough to get me through until at least the Saturday.

And now I am off to help a friend with her cat. I need to hold her so that she can be de-fleaed. That will get me riught off the cat's Christmas card list...

A Christmas prayer

When I am weighted down with tiredness,
when I am bound down with the knots of things I haven't done,
people I haven't seen,
cards I haven't written,
prayers I haven't said;
when the demands of Christmas silence its music,
come to me and free me;
come to me and quieten me;
come to me and love me as I am.
Come to me.
Amen.

Lynne Chitty

Just a thought

"Railways and the church have their critics, but both are the best ways of getting a man to his ultimate destination"

Revd. W. Awdry

Full circle

Just a quick update on my dad.

It is strange, but as the Alzheimer's has worked its way though my dad and his personality, he has been regressing. Mum would find the only way to deal with him was as a child - watching him all the time. Then when he went into the home, he became like a young child.

Now he has almost come full circle. Mum saw him yesterday, and he was asleep. "Sleeping like a baby" is a much used cliche, but according to my mum, that was how he was yesterday. He was deeply asleep, not twitching or restless, but just fast asleep. All his needs are the same as a baby needs - food, warmth and security. These the home are providing. His interactions with people are like a baby - touch is all that seems to get through. He sometimes seems to be close to recognizing a face, but that is all. It is as if he has gone through the storms of life, and the hurricane of Alzheimer's, and has reached calm still waters beyond.

And this is making me cry so I can't write any more

Anyone who had a heart...

...may be pleased to know that I do too. And after a visit to the one stop heart clinic, I am reasonably confident that it is in good condition.

This was a follow-up to the scare when I was in hospital last month. I had had to cancel the first appointment I received as I was on nights, so this morning I went toddling off to the hospital. The bad news is that I have put on a lot of weight since I started at the sxwitchboard (I expected to put some on, but not as much as I had!). After weighing, I was then wired up to the ECG and given the treadmill test. This involves walking on the treadmill until I reached '100%' of my heart rate (this is calculated as 220 beats per minute less 1 for each year of your age (work it out for yourselves, I can't be bothered to give you the answer)). Anyway, the treadmill starts off really slowly, which is hard to get used to. The pace increases, and it also simulates climbing a hill. This suprised me - if I climb a hill I go slower as the hill gets steeper! Oh well, what do I know?

Anyway, I reached my 100%, and then they slow down the treadmill and monitor heart and blood pressure for 6 minutes. The upshot is that there is no evidence of irregular beats or heart murmer, and no sign of heart disease. It is almost certainly gastric reflux, so I keep taking the medicine for that. As for the palpitations at night, they will have to be dealt with as I am having real problems getting to sleep. So heigh-ho, back to the doctor again!

Waiting...

Yes we keep waiting...

Dad is in hospital again. He was taken in on Monday, with problems swallowing. At first we thought it was an infection in his throat, which worried us as he has never had any problems there. When he got to hospital, they found he had a urinary infection (again!), probably caused by the catheter. They have treated that, and he has been able to eat something (which he had not been doing), so maybe it was just that the infection put him off his food.

Mum went to see him tonight. My sister-in-law went with her, and she was able to get some sort of a reaction. She held his hand, and he did keep touching her. It seems that touch is the only way to have any connection to him. And how can we know what he feels?

Does God understand Alzheimer's? Am I going to be the next one to catch it (after his mother and him)? It does scare me.

All I need to know about life...

I learned from my cat.

• Life is hard, then you nap
• Curiousity never killed anything except maybe a few hours
• When in doubt, cop an attitude
• Variety is the spice of life: one day ignore people, the next day annoy them
• Climb your way to the top - that's why the drapes are there
• Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone's face
• Find your place in the nsun - especially if it happens to be on that nice pile of warm clean laundry
• Make your mark in the world - or at least spray in each corner
• When eating out, think nothing of sending your meal back twenty or thirty times
• If you are not receieving enough attention, try knocking over several expensive antique lamps
• Always give generously - a small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them "I care."

F-f-f-f-f-Friday

Yes - it is Friday. The end of the working week (I wish!) I am on nights, so the end of my working week would normally be 8am Monday morning. However, since I started this set of nights early i am also finishing it early, and am done at 8am Sunday. Then a nice few days off until Thursday evening at 4.

Night shift. Most people at work say they hate it. I really don't mind it that much. Yes it is inconvenient in that you lose all the day (and it is strange going to bed as it is getting light and waking up as it is getting dark), but I do like it. Maybe because I live on my own, I am used to keeping myself occupied. I can read or knit or sew - there is the radio or TV for company - and the kettle is only a few steps away. What more could you want?

Getting heated to keep cool

Oh, the joys of owning appliances.

6 weeks ago, I took delivery of a nice shiny new fridge/freezer. It did everything I wanted it to (kept the milk cold and froze the apples I put in it). This morning, I came downstairs, opened the door and the little light did not come on. FIrst thought was that the sockets had tripped out, so I checked the box and everything was fine. Next thought was that the fuse or the socket were faulty - but I tested them and they passed.

Soooooooooooooo - off to work and call the company I got the fridge from. To save them from embarrassment, I will call them by the acronym MEA. I finally managed to get appliance repairs on the phone, and they said they would go and look at it in the afternoon. Then I had to find someone who would house-sit until they had gone. Thank goodness for my friend Dot - she rushed her morning and house-sat from 1 until 4 - she is a good friend!

So eventually he turned up and looked at the appliance. I then got a call, the gist of which was that it needed a new part, and would be fixed in the middle of next week.

As you can imagine, I was not prepared to accept that! I rang the appliance repair centre, and got no reply. Eventually, I got the appliance repairs manager - someone who understood that I could not live without a fridge for nearly a week. He promised to arrange a replacement.

So then it was contact with the showroom, who did not have another of the one I had. They instead offered me a bigger one. And not only was it bigger but cheaper too, so I asked if they would reverse the doors for me (which they agreed to). Itr was only after they agreed that they checked the original purchase and found it was a manager's special! However, they had agreed so that was that.

Now I just have to replace the lost food. Let me think how many lots of smoked salmon do I have in there, I wonder...?

Incoming clouds

I am sure you have all seen it. You stand somewhere, the sky is blue, the sun is out and all seems peaceful and safe. Then, from almost nowhere, the clouds come in, and before long, you are surrounded by heavy clouds.

I get that happening now. I was in one of my favourite places and times tonight - evening service at St Luke's, Baldwin. From going to the service in a positive mood, the clouds came and I was crying in my pew. I didn't go up for Communion, I didn't sing the last hymn, I didn't take part in any of the last third of the service - I just sat and cried.

Afterwards, the vicar and aa gentleman from the pew behind came and talked to me - which meant I could at least drive home. Trying to explain what it I am going through to someone who has not been through something similar feels like trying to describe green to someone born blind. The only way I could put it is that when the clouds come in, it is immobilizing. The fears, doubts and above all, the dragging feeling that adds weights to your limbs and your thoughts - to understand them needs a common frame of reference, which may people just don't have. It is not a lack of desire to understand; rather it is an inability to comprehend. The upshot of this incomprehension is an isolation - unable to break out and unable to explain to others how to break in.

I consider myself now disabled. Not to a great extent - but this is a disability that is affecting my life. And the effects are deeper than I thought.

I close with this thought from a user of mental health services.

“Mental illness is when the pain, distress and suffering inside your head and body is too much to bear and even the simple things in life prove too much.”

“People with Mental illness are viewed as weak by society. However, if society knew the pain, emotions, feelings and hurt these people are living with constantly, then they would in fact be viewed as the strongest people in society.”